Life has its joys, hopes, trials, smiles, and cries. And of course, life brings challenges and struggles. The greek stoic philosopher Epictetus said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.” Let’s return to this truism later. People often decry their struggles and traumas in life. And certainly, those difficult times and experiences are valid. However, the effort and methods used to endure and survive those challenges aren’t often acknowledged. In this article we will do just that: acknowledge, evaluate, and give grace. Furthermore, we will consider how growth and choice can join that acknowledgement. Later in this article and perhaps throughout, we will consider the words of the Stoics for truth and hope.
When we struggle, we find a way to endure and survive. But how? The short answer is, any way we can. Ultimately, when facing struggle, people default to what they know, what is comfortable, or what is easiest. This doesn’t mean that any of these are necessarily problematic or unproductive. For the purposes of this article, let us assume those strategies or methods achieved endurance and survival. And it is more important to acknowledge the choice to endure and show resilience in the face of struggle than to judge or characterize the particular methods used. Marcus Aurelius stated, “The only way is through.” First, recognize the dispositive choice to endure. Admit the basis of resilience first, and perhaps evaluate efficacy later. While we recognize and appreciate the choice to use whatever means are at our disposal, we also acknowledge that we may have yet to learn numerous problem-resolution methods. Simply put, we may not have learned more effective solutions yet. We can and ought to say to ourselves, “I’m proud that I got through his difficult time in my life.” Moreover, what does that endurance and resilence demonstrate about the person? It shows that the survivor is a fighter, and warrior, and most importantly a person with strength. In the abscence of a variety of strategies from which to choose, we use our strength as a shield to endure and survive. The shield we use is at its core a protective defense. Of course the challenge with using only our strength as a shield becomes tiresome. This writer once said, “if you’re not tired of being strong, you’ve yet to find your strength. Our shield is our naked strength to endure and survive. What then, is our sword?
Our sword is developing and learning different strategies to address challenges and apply them to struggles. To requote Marcus Aurelius, “The only way is through.” And to apply Epictetus, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.” In the final analysis, it is not about if, or when you struggle that is important. It is how you struggle. Where then do we learn different strategies, and where do I find my sword? The simple and nondescript answer is, many places. For our purposes, we may find our sword in counseling and psychotherapy. Counseling and psychotherapy may lead us to learn different ways to face challenges, offering more choice in the process and the outcome. That said, numerous choices or options may not always be available to us. In such cases, we have our shield to fall back on, knowing we will get through.
Ultimately, we can choose to endure, learn, and apply solutions to what we face. Consider these steps:
- Acknowledge the challenge
- Recognize your desire to face challenge.
- Ask yourself what is the outcome/resolution you want.
- What strategy, if any will bring the outcome you want?
- If I don’t have or know of other strategies/options where may I learn/obtain them?
- Finally, what do I choose, sword or shield.
Joel T. Meyer, MA, LCPC