You may have heard of the term boundaries or boundary-setting, but what does it mean? What are boundaries? How do we enforce them? What if I break one? What if someone doesn’t respect my boundary? These might be some questions you encounter with boundaries. Today, we will go over all of these areas and hopefully shed some light into what this means.
What are boundaries? Boundaries are put in place to reinforce your needs that you want others to respect. They help people feel safe and protected when set and enforced. Boundaries can be related to physical touch, emotions, finances, and more. They help us set rules for ourselves and others.
Some examples of boundaries:
Bedtimes
Needing alone time
Communication needs
Personal needs
Self-care
Privacy
Space
Sexual
Financial
Time
More examples: Let’s say you have a goal of going to bed by 9 pm your boundary could be starting your bedtime routine by 8 pm and then making sure you respect your own boundary by being in bed at the time you want.
Let’s say you don’t want people to call you after 10 pm unless it’s an emergency or crisis. You can communicate this to people in your life. If someone calls you at 10:15 pm just to chit-chat, you can respect your boundary by not taking the call and reminding the person of your boundary.
Not responding to work emails during vacation or off-time
Can boundaries be loose or vary person to person? Yes! You get to decide what boundaries are needed for you and who to set them with or if they can be flexible. Boundaries help us prevent burnout. Imagine if you say yes to everything and everyone who asks you for something – after a while, if you aren’t taking care of yourself, this can lead to burnout. You get to decide what boundaries are important to you. Have a check-in with yourself on what boundaries do I have, what ones I need, how I set them, and why are these important to me?
You might wonder, what if someone doesn’t like the boundary I set, and that is valid. Not everyone will like it, but that doesn’t mean you have to change it to please others. You are allowed to set boundaries that feel safe and important to you even if it upsets others. If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries and tries to push them or challenge them, it’s okay to have a conversation with them about you enforcing and keeping your boundaries. Remember, people don’t have to like them, but it doesn’t mean you need to change them.
Alexandria Henson, MA, LCPC, NCC