Many people think therapy happens during the 50 minutes they spend talking with their therapist each week. While those conversations are important, some of the most meaningful growth happens after the session ends.
Think of therapy like a gym membership. You can have the best trainer in the world, but if all of the work happens during one hour each week, progress will be slower than if you take what you’ve learned and apply it throughout the rest of your life.
Therapy provides insight, support, and perspective. Life provides opportunities to practice. The space between sessions—the other 167 hours of the week—is where change often takes root.
1. Focus on Awareness Before Change
One of the most common misconceptions about therapy is that every session should lead to an immediate breakthrough or dramatic transformation.
In reality, many meaningful changes begin with awareness. Simply noticing a pattern is often the first step toward changing it.
Perhaps you notice that you become self-critical after making a mistake. Maybe you realize that certain relationships leave you feeling drained, or that anxiety tends to spike before difficult conversations. These observations may seem small, but they provide valuable information that can guide future growth.
You don’t need to fix everything this week. Start by noticing.
2. Keep a Running List Between Sessions
Have you ever walked into therapy and immediately forgotten the thing you spent three days wanting to discuss?
You’re not alone.
Consider keeping a note on your phone, a journal, or even a voice memo where you can record thoughts, questions, emotions, or situations that arise throughout the week. Many clients find that this helps them identify patterns and arrive at sessions feeling more focused.
The moments that feel important on Tuesday often disappear by Thursday. Give your future self a little help.
3. Treat Life Like an Experiment
Many clients feel pressure to get things “right.”
Instead, try approaching life with curiosity.
If you’ve been discussing boundaries, experiment with saying no once this week. If you’ve been working on anxiety, try using a coping skill in a situation that feels mildly challenging. If you’re practicing self-compassion, notice what happens when you speak to yourself differently for a day.
Experiments don’t fail; they provide information. Sometimes learning what doesn’t work is just as valuable as discovering what does.
4. Notice Progress That Doesn’t Feel Dramatic
Growth rarely arrives with a soundtrack and a dramatic movie montage.
Sometimes progress looks like:
- Pausing before reacting during an argument.
- Getting out of bed on a difficult day.
- Asking for help instead of handling everything alone.
- Recovering from a setback more quickly than before.
- Recognizing a negative thought without automatically believing it.
These moments may seem ordinary, but they often represent meaningful changes that deserve recognition.
5. Use Virtual Therapy to Your Advantage
One unique benefit of telehealth is that therapy can happen in the environment where much of your life already unfolds.
Consider using that to your advantage.
If you’re discussing stress, show your therapist the workspace where you spend most of your day. If organization is a challenge, you might talk about the systems you use at home. If you’re practicing a coping skill, try it in the same environment where you typically experience stress.
Many clients also find it helpful to:
- Schedule a few quiet minutes before and after sessions rather than immediately jumping into work or other responsibilities.
- Keep a notebook nearby during appointments.
- Revisit therapy notes throughout the week.
- Use reminders on their phone to practice skills discussed in session.
- Take advantage of the flexibility telehealth offers by choosing a private, comfortable space where they can focus.
Virtual therapy doesn’t have to feel like a substitute for in-person care. When used intentionally, it can become part of your daily environment and routine.
The Goal Isn’t Better Therapy
The goal of therapy is not to become exceptionally good at attending therapy.
The goal is to build a life that feels more manageable, connected, meaningful, or fulfilling outside of therapy.
Your therapist can offer support, guidance, and perspective. They can help you understand patterns, develop skills, and navigate difficult experiences.
But they can’t follow you home.
And, for everyone’s sake, that’s probably for the best.
The good news is that the skills, insights, and growth you’ve worked so hard to develop can.
Jordan Hammes, MA, LPC